Sorry if I offend anybody in this post but this is gonna be one of those long strings of text where I'll be jumping around random topics. I just need to vent, okay?
Firstly, you know damn well I like him. Yet you keep hogging him when I'm in the middle of a conversation with him. I'll admit, I'm a jealous person. But please, let me talk to him peacefully? I only have so much time left, you of all people should know.
Secondly, I don't know why (actually I very much do, but I can't be bothered to elaborate on something nobody's gonna read) but I get pretty badly affected when I'm ignored. Maybe it's because I'm an only child who grew up not even seeing that much of my own mother or maybe it's because I've had shitty friends pretty much all my life.
Basically, yes, you damn well better pay attention to me if you want me to respond. I'm so bloody sick of constantly being the person who has to start conversations.
I'm bloody sick of feeling like an asshole who has to fill up the gaps of silences.
I hate not letting myself take offence because I know better.
I hate it when you end up meaning the world to me and I'm just another one of god knows how many people that you know.
Sometimes I wish I were childish enough to just storm into class bawling my eyes out because my brain won't stop telling me what a completely useless fuck-up I am. But I can't do that, can I? Because crying means the voices are right. It means I'm weak.
And I can't be weak, gotta uphold the image, y'know? Gotta be that girl at the side of the class who's trying so hard to be liked but nobody could give two fucks about unless they want someone to rant to, and I'm not even that good at that either.
I'm never the best at keeping secrets, or telling jokes, or being interesting. Sure, maybe I'm pretty. So what? Doesn't mean shit, statistically speaking. Doesn't even mean I'm even all that more likely to find a partner. Just one more thing to lose.
I blank out when I'm ignored because it hurts. If you've ever seen me walking silently up to class or refusing to answer verbally, you've got your reason right here. I hate myself for not being interesting enough to listen to and for being selfish enough to want that in the first place.
So much easier to be silent than to reply.
Coward, attention-seeking, liar, melodramatic.
Take one, take em all.



'Tick tock,' spoke the clock, messenger for the god of dreams.

Sigh, I have no idea why I've been waking up at odd times again. Basically, this is gonna keep happening until I get everything off my mind. Oh god, I don't even know how to describe what is going on at the moment. So I'll just overload with GIFs.

Monday, after talking to Liu Qi

















I've always found it kind of sad that Asians always have dark brown/ black eyes. Makes it really hard to see antything.

Ah well, I told Wei Yee I'd do a blog update, So I'm doing one now. So, today was supposed to be my TKD grading test and I started spotting yesterday. The uniform is all white. So, praying to every possible god I knew of (you'd be surprised) I went to sleep last night and hoped I was wrong.

I woke up with a japanese flag...




And by spike, I mean I got more than 10. 

• Bitch, you ain't got the goddamn authority. You are not a PE teacher. You are here as a STAND-IN, not an actual teacher. 
• There is nothing wrong with brisk-walking in between while running. I mean, dude, even YOU walked a few times. Why don't you do extra workout as well? If it was just one person who did 4 rounds slow, would you punish them? No? THEN DON'T BLOODY PUNISH THE REST OF THE CLASS, FUCKTARD.
• Does it ever occur to you, that maybe we hate running? Not everyone is so high on endorphins when they run and 'play with their leg muscles' under their blanket, asshole. At least we bothered trying to run the last 5 rounds.

Anyway, Wei Yee didn't come today. So I ended up sitting with Fluffles during chinese. Then zh came over and started chiding me. Ugh, I hate when she does that, since I actually see that she has a point. I can't get angry at her.


  There. I get irked when people say I'm wearing make up by virtue of the fact that I hate that bloody substance so much.
  I mean, are you bloody kidding me? I look like a squirrel as it is. I don't need bloody powder and sticky shit on my face just because you want me to do your fucking speech day. And before somebody points out I obviously wore copious amounts of makeup for cosplay, well, it was cosplay. Otherwise it would be cosfail.
  Last minute I got an email saying Mrs Rupa wants us to wear stockings and powder. What the shit? And the best part? She didn't even send the bloody email. Somebody else had to send it for her. Way to be responsible, yo.
  My skin is dying as it is, I don't need powder clogging my pores and making it all bumpy. Worse still, I caught a bloody cold today. Feeling like crap and there may be a chance that my voice will crack tomorrow. Great.
  Yea, whatever, gotta go to sleep because guess what? Emcees have to turn up at 7am. Even the goddamn councillors doing reception don't need to turn up that early. What in the 13 levels of hell could they possibly want with us that early in the morning? What kind of unholy donkey butthole would do this? Oh right, Mrs Rupa and co.



I almost broke down during art today but that's okay
I actually did break down yesterday in math, but that's okay too.
Mr Chan was being an asshole and I'm very sure the high blood pressure probably isn't good for my health, but that's okay too.
Because I finally got to see Fluffles for two hours today. (Don't worry, I'll touch on everything else later)
But first...



Fluffles came back today. At least, for a short period of time. It was like a breath of fresh air after wandering around sewage pipes all day. Actually, you know what? Scratch that shit about sewage. It was like I was finally breathing after being held underwater for an unbearably long time. And for almost the fourth time in the past few days, I almost cried. Again. (Apologies to people who've had to bear with me constantly whining these few days)  Somehow, it seemed like everything that happened the past few days became so bloody inconsequential, just like that.
I think that maybe I'll be able to survive till Friday.
  Anyway, where to start?
  Oh yes.
  Mr Chan.
  Let me begin this by saying that I really hope that one day he gets so fat that when he leans on a railing, it breaks and sends him plummeting to his doom from a (hopefully) really tall building.
  So Wei Yee broke a window. Yea, I know, how surprising.
  I was checking her hands for shards because I was worried that something might be lodged in her hand, since she was complaining it was itching. Naturally, our backs were turned away from the front. Mr Chan, being the magnificent fat bastard that he is accused us of talking and not paying attention. As a punishment (I swear, the man comes up with the most retarded and unimaginative kinds of punishments ever) we had to do a presentation of the topic he was 'teaching'.
  Never once does he express any sort of concern over the fact that a student in his form class may have glass fragments in her hand in need of extraction.
 
  He eventually gets that we're insulting him *le gasps* and send us out of class so that we can redo our presentation to something better.
  We come up with like, 10 new ways to insult him.
  We only get to use 1. We came up with some crap about "Coney" amassing a child army in China. He sends us out of the class again.




No GIFs today. Haven't got the mood.
Seriously, I don't know what to say la. You want to get pissed, sure. This is why I need Fluffles. I need a bloody break from shit like this. I'm sorry for the napfa thing, okay? But if you want to stay mad at me for so long over something like this, then I don't know what you want me to do. Sometimes it's just like...
Whatever.
Yea yea, be the better person. Fuck off. I need to be angry for a while.
Because I'd like to put aside my inhibitions and start throwing curse words but I can't. I wish I could be a bit less controlled so I can vent before I explode. But I still have to apologise in the end, don't I?
So sorry. I'm so goddamn sorry in so many ways but mostly, I'm sorry to myself that I pissed you off and now I have to eat what is perhaps my 100th serving of humble pie this year.




Worst of all, fluffles isn't even gonna be there for 4 days D: Who the hell is gonna snark at people onstage with me now? I need to be sarcastic sometimes too, dammit. Who's going to knock some sense into me now? This week is going to be such a colossal crapshoot. I don't even know what the hell I can write here. Nothing special happened today and the next week is going to be stress and pressure and homework and crap.


...that I'll use more GIFs in my blog posts now. At least they won't just be rotting away in my hard drive. Anyway, GIF OF THE DAY!

Name:If you know it, you know it.
Age:Pfft, age is just a number
Birth: -day cake!
Adores::D
That basically described nothing! Isn't this fun?

I might write something here one day. Might