Okay I kinda wrote this a while back while I was still really emotional but I quite like it. Aesthetically. So I'm publishing it anyway. Just FYI the opinions and feelings expressed here aren't really representative of my current state so...yup :D



I resent this sentiment. Really, I do. Okay, I can't speak for the other C&Ss, but personally I do know that ELDDS puts in so much effort. Even certain teachers can see it. Before joining LD, Mr Poon warned me that it was no slacker than any sport CCA, even canoeing. "They may seem very slack, but when competition comes around, the amount of time they put in voluntarily is huge."

We put in this time voluntarily, ladies and gentlemen. And in a way, I'm proud of my CCA in that aspect, because while it isn't like we have 3-4 mandatory sessions a week, we actually sacrifice our time of our own accord.

Why then? Why is that we always get screwed and pushed to the side when it comes to funding and CCA allocation? We've been struggling along in debate competitions and SYF without a coach, it's a testament to my CCA mates effort we've gone as far as we have.

Just. Unhappy.

Currently dying under a deluge of schoolwork. Can't concentrate hence the blogpost.

It's been a while since I've posted eh?

History

Anyway. History. Christ. You're such a beautiful subject. But I really wanna throttle you sometimes. Every time I sit at my desk and crack open my TPC and start researching a voice inside my head starts screaming. I am not a person meant to sift through huge piles of information if it's not a storybook. Irrelevance annoys me.


  AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR~
  AYY HELLO HELLO IMMA BACK AFTER LIKE WHAT, 2 MONTHS HIATUS?
  Yea I finally felt guilty for leaving my blog alone for so long. It was like all alone in a corner, the poor thing. I tried writing okay! But every time I opened up blogger I'd just lose steam after like, 2 sentences.















Where to start?
This is gonna be another completely all over the place post so uh, yea. Mostly covering e-learning week cos my memory sucks like that.

National Day Celebration:

There was a lot of screaming. And singing. And sing-screaming. Apparently Hui Xuan sat on Joelle's head at some point of time and Joelle was pissed. But me, being the oblivious blockhead that I am didn't notice at all and just went on my merry way in the conga line so...


OH MY GOD I CAN'T BLOG. MY MIND IS SCATTERED OVER A HUNDRED DIFFERENT SUBJECTS AND YOU'RE JUDGING ME I CAN FEEL IT. GAAHHHHH

SHORT SUMMARY OF MY WEEK:

Monday was terrible for reasons that I cannot name at the moment because short-term memory.

Tuesday was spent in anticipation of Limelight and I really don't know how else to put it but I was kinda disappointed. It didn't seem like ONE band playing. It seemed more like different people trying to play together. And quite a few of the soloists looked really nervous, which is really alright but makes me question how many times they've rehearsed since they looked so unsure. It was good, but it wasn't the spectacular standard that I'm used to the band putting forth.

Wednesday was quite bland as days go and I'd talk about the whole Ms Chan thing (what is up with people with this damn surname?) but that relates more to WY so I'm not gonna touch it lest she decides to blog about it. Ended up going for dinner with Mick and Reema and hoboing on some, uh, unique seats. I would've joined in the awkward when we saw them but I was too damn stoned from my cold to give a shit.

Today I didn't go to school and I spent the whole day trying to come up with ways to write this in an entertaining way but failed to so screw it.



  David is King of the World.


The TA, it seems, can't fix a problem without causing a few more. To put a really, really long story short, I dropped my computer and damaged my hard drive, so I had to send my TPC to the TA to replace it. Which meant I lost all my data. That was expected.
What I didn't expect was THAT THEY'D STRIP MY ADMIN RIGHTS AND LOSE MY FUCKING STYLUS FOR ME THE FUCKERS.

• Nicole
• Shash
• Wei Yee

Toward everyone else, there was at least one moment where I went all





Yea, another chunk of words! I can totally hear people skimming half-heartedly through this post already! DAS DA SPIRIT. This sounds really forced. Erh mah gerd screw it. I'll write a proper post tomorrow. Feel terrible now anyway.

Why am I even posting this man.

  I thought today was gonna be a crap day since I had to wake up really early (for my standards anyway) and go to the National Library for project work. But it was actually really fun and surprisingly, we actually did work.

  We were sitting on the floor next to a potted plant and then the security guard asked us to move since, I don't know man, apparently our butts will dirty the floor? So while getting up, Ayesha lost her balance and knocked over a potted plant and attracted the attention of just about everyone. 
Besides that, nothing else eventful happened.

  Until PINK DOT THAT IS.

  Pink dot was just



I'm sitting in my bed right now after showering and I still can't stop smiling. Today was our sec 4 farewell, the one we've been planning for about two months. The theme was Alice in Wonderland and everything was wonderful indeed.
The plan was to act extremely aloof so that the Sec 4s would get a little bit unnerved and fall for our Haunted house a lot easier. Inarguably, that plan flopped. Miserably.
It's kind of hard to be aloof when it's not just seniors aren't just seniors to you. They're your friends. And it's even harder when they surround you and start patting your head and telling you not to be sad because you've got big boobs. Shayna was all staring at me like
But then I was like " I CANNOT BE INDIFFERENT WHEN ALL I WANT TO DO IS RESPOND WITH A SASSY REMARK."


This is odd ain't it? Haven't blogged in quite a while. Lol, my views have gone straight down to shit. Ah well, doesn't matter. It feels nice to write again, but I have absolutely no motivation for this. No inner conflict, no drama (not much anyway). Feels like one of those calm before the storm periods. Might as well enjoy while it lasts. Hi, if you happened to highlight thi.

Started playing League of Legends with Fluffy and Hui Xuan. Sometimes I feel a bit sorry for Fluffy, she constantly ends up being the one stuck in between whenever the both of us flare. And we flare quite often. I suppose it's because we're both people who are used to having others back down when we flare but flaring at each other usually makes the other even more aggressive. Gotta keep that in check.

I've been a lot more loose with my emotions lately and to be honest, it's quite refreshing. I can see why people choose to do things like Radical Honesty now. But I don't think I could live like that, being completely honest. I lie a lot as it is for convenience. But it would be a lot more interesting to be completely honest, wouldn't it?

Kind of weird but I'm starting to sink into the role of being a senior again. Being a sec 1 in CGS is quite a trying experience actually, constantly having to bow your head to almost everyone you see, so many unwritten rules. But when you're out, you can see why your seniors were so touchy about it in the first place. It's almost like a rite of passage, you're paying your dues, you know?

Hopefully, I won't get ditched at the BBQ like almost every other time I've tried to organise this sort of thing otherwise I will put someone's head through a wall :D

Not that this GIF reflects my emotions or anything. Not at the moment anyway. It represents me 90% of the time, just not now.








It's funny really. No matter how hard you resist, eventually you become exactly what you despise. And I sound exactly like an angsty teenager. Hrm. I'll save the regrets for later.

So, the sec ones are annoying me. Their PBL emails are really going overboard. Neon colours? Okcan. Blue words  highlighted in blue? Maybe their screens are different. But faking an urgent announcement to catch attention? Nope, you crossed some mighty big lines there, buddy. 


So Wei Yee sent out an email telling them to cut it out. Obviously, the message didn't get through since they continued with the sending us retarded emails while acting cute -.- 


Since the Wei Yee's email obviously didn't get through to them, I sent out another more strongly worded one again. And some asshat of a sec one replies me with what is basically:



How did I know he was drunk? Because on the third time he called, I picked it up and asked him who he was and why the heck he was calling me at that ungodly time. And he slurred out "Uh....oh sorry."

He sounded like my fuckhead of a father, which certainly doesn't help.

So I hung up and ranted on twitter. After a while though, I had an idea.
When my MYEs are over, I'm gonna stay up damn late. Like 3 am late.
Then I'm gonna sneak out to a public phone and call him. Repeatedly.
See how he likes that shit.



Sorry if I offend anybody in this post but this is gonna be one of those long strings of text where I'll be jumping around random topics. I just need to vent, okay?
Firstly, you know damn well I like him. Yet you keep hogging him when I'm in the middle of a conversation with him. I'll admit, I'm a jealous person. But please, let me talk to him peacefully? I only have so much time left, you of all people should know.
Secondly, I don't know why (actually I very much do, but I can't be bothered to elaborate on something nobody's gonna read) but I get pretty badly affected when I'm ignored. Maybe it's because I'm an only child who grew up not even seeing that much of my own mother or maybe it's because I've had shitty friends pretty much all my life.
Basically, yes, you damn well better pay attention to me if you want me to respond. I'm so bloody sick of constantly being the person who has to start conversations.
I'm bloody sick of feeling like an asshole who has to fill up the gaps of silences.
I hate not letting myself take offence because I know better.
I hate it when you end up meaning the world to me and I'm just another one of god knows how many people that you know.
Sometimes I wish I were childish enough to just storm into class bawling my eyes out because my brain won't stop telling me what a completely useless fuck-up I am. But I can't do that, can I? Because crying means the voices are right. It means I'm weak.
And I can't be weak, gotta uphold the image, y'know? Gotta be that girl at the side of the class who's trying so hard to be liked but nobody could give two fucks about unless they want someone to rant to, and I'm not even that good at that either.
I'm never the best at keeping secrets, or telling jokes, or being interesting. Sure, maybe I'm pretty. So what? Doesn't mean shit, statistically speaking. Doesn't even mean I'm even all that more likely to find a partner. Just one more thing to lose.
I blank out when I'm ignored because it hurts. If you've ever seen me walking silently up to class or refusing to answer verbally, you've got your reason right here. I hate myself for not being interesting enough to listen to and for being selfish enough to want that in the first place.
So much easier to be silent than to reply.
Coward, attention-seeking, liar, melodramatic.
Take one, take em all.



'Tick tock,' spoke the clock, messenger for the god of dreams.

Sigh, I have no idea why I've been waking up at odd times again. Basically, this is gonna keep happening until I get everything off my mind. Oh god, I don't even know how to describe what is going on at the moment. So I'll just overload with GIFs.

Monday, after talking to Liu Qi

















I've always found it kind of sad that Asians always have dark brown/ black eyes. Makes it really hard to see antything.

Ah well, I told Wei Yee I'd do a blog update, So I'm doing one now. So, today was supposed to be my TKD grading test and I started spotting yesterday. The uniform is all white. So, praying to every possible god I knew of (you'd be surprised) I went to sleep last night and hoped I was wrong.

I woke up with a japanese flag...




And by spike, I mean I got more than 10. 

• Bitch, you ain't got the goddamn authority. You are not a PE teacher. You are here as a STAND-IN, not an actual teacher. 
• There is nothing wrong with brisk-walking in between while running. I mean, dude, even YOU walked a few times. Why don't you do extra workout as well? If it was just one person who did 4 rounds slow, would you punish them? No? THEN DON'T BLOODY PUNISH THE REST OF THE CLASS, FUCKTARD.
• Does it ever occur to you, that maybe we hate running? Not everyone is so high on endorphins when they run and 'play with their leg muscles' under their blanket, asshole. At least we bothered trying to run the last 5 rounds.

Anyway, Wei Yee didn't come today. So I ended up sitting with Fluffles during chinese. Then zh came over and started chiding me. Ugh, I hate when she does that, since I actually see that she has a point. I can't get angry at her.


  There. I get irked when people say I'm wearing make up by virtue of the fact that I hate that bloody substance so much.
  I mean, are you bloody kidding me? I look like a squirrel as it is. I don't need bloody powder and sticky shit on my face just because you want me to do your fucking speech day. And before somebody points out I obviously wore copious amounts of makeup for cosplay, well, it was cosplay. Otherwise it would be cosfail.
  Last minute I got an email saying Mrs Rupa wants us to wear stockings and powder. What the shit? And the best part? She didn't even send the bloody email. Somebody else had to send it for her. Way to be responsible, yo.
  My skin is dying as it is, I don't need powder clogging my pores and making it all bumpy. Worse still, I caught a bloody cold today. Feeling like crap and there may be a chance that my voice will crack tomorrow. Great.
  Yea, whatever, gotta go to sleep because guess what? Emcees have to turn up at 7am. Even the goddamn councillors doing reception don't need to turn up that early. What in the 13 levels of hell could they possibly want with us that early in the morning? What kind of unholy donkey butthole would do this? Oh right, Mrs Rupa and co.



I almost broke down during art today but that's okay
I actually did break down yesterday in math, but that's okay too.
Mr Chan was being an asshole and I'm very sure the high blood pressure probably isn't good for my health, but that's okay too.
Because I finally got to see Fluffles for two hours today. (Don't worry, I'll touch on everything else later)
But first...



Fluffles came back today. At least, for a short period of time. It was like a breath of fresh air after wandering around sewage pipes all day. Actually, you know what? Scratch that shit about sewage. It was like I was finally breathing after being held underwater for an unbearably long time. And for almost the fourth time in the past few days, I almost cried. Again. (Apologies to people who've had to bear with me constantly whining these few days)  Somehow, it seemed like everything that happened the past few days became so bloody inconsequential, just like that.
I think that maybe I'll be able to survive till Friday.
  Anyway, where to start?
  Oh yes.
  Mr Chan.
  Let me begin this by saying that I really hope that one day he gets so fat that when he leans on a railing, it breaks and sends him plummeting to his doom from a (hopefully) really tall building.
  So Wei Yee broke a window. Yea, I know, how surprising.
  I was checking her hands for shards because I was worried that something might be lodged in her hand, since she was complaining it was itching. Naturally, our backs were turned away from the front. Mr Chan, being the magnificent fat bastard that he is accused us of talking and not paying attention. As a punishment (I swear, the man comes up with the most retarded and unimaginative kinds of punishments ever) we had to do a presentation of the topic he was 'teaching'.
  Never once does he express any sort of concern over the fact that a student in his form class may have glass fragments in her hand in need of extraction.
 
  He eventually gets that we're insulting him *le gasps* and send us out of class so that we can redo our presentation to something better.
  We come up with like, 10 new ways to insult him.
  We only get to use 1. We came up with some crap about "Coney" amassing a child army in China. He sends us out of the class again.

Name:If you know it, you know it.
Age:Pfft, age is just a number
Birth: -day cake!
Adores::D
That basically described nothing! Isn't this fun?

I might write something here one day. Might