Sorry, I just need to blow off some steam. I've been a lonely desperate worm today. Don't read it if you don't like people who talk about themselves a lot. But then again, this IS my blog. Who else am I going to talk about? The wall?

'I don't have pet peeves. I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.' - George Carlin

There are usually a few ways to make me snap. None of them are particularly easy to achieve since although I may blow off steam every once in a while to people close to me, I don't actually say anything publicly until somebody somehow manages to hit just the right nerve hard enough.

I consider myself a pretty nice person. I know, I know, I do bitch occasionally and show black face here and there every once in a while but honestly, once I bitch somebody out, I'm less likely to stage a full blown temper tantrum.

Consider the alternative. I could hold everything inside and smile and not say a single bad word about somebody even though they're being rather prick-like. I could do that and give everyone the impression I have no problem with the prick in question until some small move of dickery steps across the line and I go full crazy bitch out to ruin your life with no warning at all.

Or I could blow off a little steam at a time without going full rage mode and possibly regretting it at a later date. Like, imagine it as the difference between slowly letting the gas out of a coke can by giving it a few small stirs at a time or just shaking it like a maniac and popping it open such that it 'splodes all over the place. I am a bitch to be kind in the long run.

Now, onto the main subject of my post. Things that actually piss me off. Ignorance is usually the root cause of things that tick me off. Stupidity. Sheeple syndrome. The base of my own personal philosophy is simple. I have a brain, I can use it, so I shall. everything stems out from there. I will not follow society's cultural norms blindly. I will also not follow the counterculture simply because in the end, the counterculture is just the norms of typical society but flipped inside out. And doing things blindly just because society at large finds it disagreeable is stupid

I know something that I say rather often is that majority of people are idiots. That by no measure means that I'm advocating rebellion against how majority of the population does things. Seriously, sometimes things are done a certain way for a reason, people.

But there are people out there, that some how believe that since they're in a minority, it automatically makes them superior to the majority. Sorry bucko, it doesn't work that way. A good example of this is the recent rise in Atheism. I'm sorry honey, just because you've suddenly changed your facebook religion status to Atheist doesn't make you any smarter than the religious nuts you flame. You cannot call yourself an atheist one moment and preach the power of logical thinking and rationality one moment and start gushing about how you and your crush must be fated by the stars to be together because you are born under compatible horoscopes. That pisses me off.

Aaaand it's four in the morning. Imma stop ranting.

Seriously though, I'm starting consider renaming this blog to 'Read as Mindy tried to write some dipshit philosophy she'll probably regret ten years down the road while she slowly goes insane trying to find a linear path of thought that doesn't fuck itself over in the dark twisted labyrinth of her mind! It's like twister for sado-masochists!'

Actually, not really. At the moment of writing, I'm in what is essentially a pressurized tin can shooting across the night sky. But I'll have to wait till I get back to Singapore to post this because China is as sensitive about blocking just about everything as a pregnant woman wearing a rapeguard. Except cracked.com. It was literally the only thing that kept me from going absolutely bonkers these past few days.
That and the ridiculous shopping I've been doing these past few days.
Aw yea, I've been buying stuff left and right, I'll probably post pics of my loot once I get back home. I swear, my ego has probably swelled three times it's normal size from all the shopkeepers kissing my ass. Lol, when I went to this one roadside barbeque place, the guy serving us thought I was Korean because apparently 'Koreans are the best looking.'
I guessed it was because I was mainly just speaking english to my mom at the time and he assumed I didn't know any Chinese. I was going to correct him but then my mom just played along because she's an arse like that sometimes. Another thing was that people kept mistaking me for 15 or 16.
Ah well, I'e gotten used to that already.
But seriously, you can go crazy shopping here. Everything is so flipping cheap. Like, I got a mani-pedi here because I was bored of following my mom around shopping and it cost 60¥. 5¥ is about 1SGD. That is 12 dollars, peeps. Majority of the stuff here is like, half the price of stuff back in Singapore or less! And I finally bought myself some more dresses and stockings.
Yea, you read that right. I got myself some more stockings. I think I rather like them. I also got some sneakers so I won't have to constantly wear my grey sandals, as much as I <3 them to death.
The food in Zhu Hai was amazing. Although most of he the time I was eating at roadside stalls or small little unknown and sanitarily questionable places, the food was delicious. Eat your heart out, Richard. Seriously though, I saw two rats run across the place I was eating lunch at. My mom and her friend screamed and jumped up on the seats. It was hilarious.
And the hotel we were staying at...hehehe. Turns out the room we booked was more of a lover's room. The wall separating the bathroom and the bedroom was made of glass XD Luckily, there was a blind to cover it. We only really realised it was a lover's room after my mom announced from the toilet that she'd found condoms and KY jelly among the complimentary toiletries.
Did I mention the Internet there is wanky as hell? China blocked YouTube, Facebook, twitter and tumblr. It was utter shit. And I couldn't use proxy shields because china blocked those too. Yay for free sp-*****content censored for inapropriate material*****
But other than that, I had an awesome time in China. My in-flight meal has just arrived, so, adieu!
Oh, and a very happy new year to all of you :) I'm spending mine buttering a roll on an airplane. With a brat kicking my seat from the back! Fresh starts for all!
I fucking hate flight delays.

I have a wonderfully low self esteem. My mom's mentioned it to me many times that the way I act isn't exactly indicative of self confidence.
I can't take criticism or mistakes well, if at all. I guess it's the reason why sometimes I end up not attempting things at all.
I loathe imperfection. So whenever I make a mistake, the memories of it are usually painful for me. Yeap, you read that right, it's actually painful. Sometimes, I just get flashes of times when I screwed up really badly in the middle of the day. If you've ever seen me cringing or my expression turn pained for absolutely no reason out of nowhere, it's probably because I'm having a bout of 'hey, let's reminisce about Mindy's biggest fuck-ups!'
It's weird, because the only way I can explain it is that I cringe as a way of rejecting the memory. My brain is all like 'Nope, memory rejected, this shit never happened, nuh-uh...'
It works as a short term solution. But the next time it hits, it's that much worse. I figure the only real way to solve his is to accept my mistakes. And it's not easy. You know that sour, twisting feeling you get when you wanna cry really badly but you have to hold it back? It's something like that.
But it has to be done. And I will do it.
By extension, I also want to start trying more things, even if I know chances are I'll fail epicly and spectacularly.
That will be my first New Year's resolution. I will try to make and accept my mistakes and flaws.

You might have heard her name before. She's the girl in Avatar who dies in that epic fight against the humans while piloting a helicopter, saying something along the lines of 'come at me, motherfucker' before kamikazeing the shit out of the enemies. She also played the tough military chick in Battle: Los Angeles who ended up dying in a blaze of glory. Another notable role she played was in the Fast and furious series, where she played yet another tough chick who inevitably died being tough.
The characters she plays generally don't take shit from anyone and usually don't survive the movie is the point i'm trying to make. She's admitted it herself that it was a typecast of sorts.
But it was what she said in addition to that admission that struck me, ' If I decided I didn't want to be typecast tomorrow I'd just go do an indie film where i play some poor girl who goes through some excruciating experience and win an award for crying or being raped (breaks into laughter) or playing someone with a mental illness. But at the end of the day I'm not in it for the acting. If I were in it for the acting I would worry about people not giving me the opportunity to express my wide array of emotions. I could give two shits. I only wanna be someone I respect or someone I would consider interesting or fun. I'm here to entertain people and make a statement about female empowerment and strength and that's what I've done for the last 10 years, and people can call it typecast, but I pigeonholed myself and I put myself in that box for saying no to everything else that came on my plate. Sayig no to the girlfriend, saying no to the girl who gets captured, no to this, no to that, and eventually, I get left with the tough chick that always being killed and there's nothing wrong with that.'
I respect her for saying that so freaking much. That is all.

Rant

This one took me a while because I spent quite a while wondering whether I would regret saying it.
I won't.

I'm talking to one person here. You're the only one who can choose who you are, how the rest if your life plays out. If you want to continue having half-assed relationships with random guys and sext them and whatnot, so be it.
If you think that shit constitutes a normal relationship, if you think that holding onto somebody's deepest personal secrets somehow makes you closer friends than people whose secrets you don't have, if you think that just because you have a laundry list of ex-boyfriends you are somehow better than people who don't, you're sadly mistaken.
Do you know what everyone thinks of you? Oh wait, I seem to recall you don't care what the fake-ass bitches in your class think, right? Awesome. Then I can be a lot more blunt.
Your dance-mates apparently think you're controlling and bossy, courtesy of TL, who I don't really blame because you weren't entirely likable in the first place.
Judging from various things I was able to pick up, apparently your rep in nanyang wasn't very good either. From what I've heard, when NY people hear your name, they either cringe or have a reaction somewhere along the lines of 'oh, HER.'
My mother, after the incident at East Coast Park ( remember that one? The one where you biked off into the horizon while we {me, kelly, mom} were calling you to slow down while you sped off so damn far ahead we couldn't even see any trace of you at top speed and we ended calling you at least 3 times and it took 20 minutes for you to come back. Remember that one?) thinks that I shouldn't hang out around you that much and that you're a terrible influence. I actually tried to persuade my mom that you weren't as bad as you seemed. Famous last words as I'll explain later.
When some of the clique were bitching about you, I actually tried to show them that you weren't that bad ( didn't you find it odd that I was constantly asking you out with me along with with a singular clique member? Hrmmm...) when you had entirely no friends in the class to speak of, I dragged you down recess by recess to sit with me and the clique because I didn't want to leave you alone during recess.
When you insulted my appearances, I bit my lip and tried not to hurt your feelings with insults a crap load worse.
When you told me about the things you do when nobody's watching, I tried my best not to judge and accept that as who you were.
Everytime you pissed me off in an sms convo, I would write a long goddamn sms that rattled off every terrible thing I could pull from my head to you but I never sent it because I believed that you would get it eventually or that you were just sleep deprived or something.
When you joined me and kelly before spectrum, I decided to just go along with it even though I hadn't seen my own goddamn best friend in at least 2 months due to exams and I wanted to catch up with her alone. I even brushed off the random remark about masturbation you made when me and kelly were talking while we walked to school.
But my god, if you think that after all that motherfucking bullshit you put me through that you could guilt me into feeling bad for spectrum? I have three words for you.
BITCH, FUCK YOU. Not literally, of course, goodness knows what horrid STD I might get.
I can't describe how furious I was when I saw what you wrote.
You know what sent me over the edge though? The bottler thing.
I'm sorry, but the vibe I was getting from the whole thing was 'dear me, I'm such a wonderful person, never showing my true emotions but inside I'm just wracked with turmoil. Don't you feel bad for judging me to be fake now?'
No. No, I really don't. You disgust me.
I think you're the closest thing to a slut that I know of. I think that you have unwarranted self importance. I think you need to take a good, hard, goddamn stare in the mirror.
As I recall you commenting about Mandy when Kelly was wondering how she got so many boyfriends, 'It's because she's obtainable.'
Wow, hypocrite of the goddamn year. I wonder how pissed she'll be if I gave her a link to this post and she found out... Darn, you might lose the only person in class who could tolerate you to some degree. But because I'm such a nice goddamn person, I won't.
I'm sorry if I have to break this to you, sweetheart, but you aren't exactly very hard to obtain yourself.
When I gripe about no guys liking me, of course I know that it's because I'm so snippy with them. Unlike a certain someone, I have self aware-ness.
And no, I don't want a souvenir.
When we see each other in school, I'll smile and say hi, I might even be friendly towards you. I'll even help back you up in pummeling the teachers with questions.
But under no circumstance think that I actually care about what happens to you. I have no more patience left for you.

:)

Gonna try something a lil' different this time. I've come to a number of conclusions and I'm gonna try sorting out my thoughts systematically instead of just copying and pasting the jumbled mess of tangled thoughts in my head and plopping the steaming hunk onto text. I'm going to TRY to segregate my thoughts and general life philosophy as best I can. So, to start off:

Conclusion 1: Nobody ever acknowledges anyone else as a fully functional, thinking human being every bit as complex as they are.

If you didn't stop to think about that for more than 20 seconds, I suggest you read it again and again and pound it so damn deep into your brain you use up some of that 90%. A really good example of this comes from first impressions. You judge a person based on how they act when you first see them and think 'Yea, I'm pretty sure this is how they are all the time,' and some of you might even start congratulating yourself on your self awareness. I remember reading an xkcd comic strip that illustrates this sort of thinking perfectly.

Long story short, you are a complex human being with a creative, unique mind of your own and every action you undertake has layers upon layers of reasoning and variables. You were having a bad day! That's why you jammed your horn at peak hour! But that guy in the black Merc? He tailgates you because he's an inconsiderate corporate douche.

I could spend 3 whole posts talking on and on about the effects of this sort of thinking but this is supposed to be a nice neat post. So I'll leave it at that. But if you're congratulating yourself on already reaching that conclusion or thinking to yourself something along the lines of 'Hey, now that I know that, I'm sure I won't do the same thing again!' I'm afraid I'll have to stop you there because that brings me to my next two conclusions. I kinda bundled them together because you can't fully understand one without another.

Conclusion 2&3 : When you believe yourself to be immune to certain prejudices or thought patterns, that is when you're most vulnerable to them and just because you realise light is not always good and dark is not always bad does not make the reverse true.

I realise that the way I phrased 3 was a bit messy but bear with me. It was the easiest way to explain it.

The best way I can explain the reasoning for conclusion 2 is from a real life example. There's this girl I know and she's constantly raving about how silly religion is and how illogical it is and how she'd never be so stupid as to believe in something so nebulous and delusional.

The same girl believes that the time of year you are born in and the placement of darkened pigments on your body can determine what kind of person you are and how you look and act. Dreams can apparently tell the future, if what she posts is to be taken literally.

If that girl is reading this, genetics determine your looks, yes? Not stars floating in preconceived maps in the sky, where said stars might well be tens, if not hundreds of thousands of years dead before the earth was even formed.
Do you see where I'm going with this?
As for conclusion 3, put it this way. Light is not always good, dark is not always bad, as most fantasy readers would probably agree.
Light always being good and dark always being bad is one of the oldest clichés in the book. It's naïveté at best to believe any person is gonna stick entirely to one color scheme and persistent ignorance at worst. If the world was so neatly segregated in two, moral dilemmas would hardly exist.
But the weird thing is, when people realise that, they do the oddest thing. They flip the philosophy in reverse and use that instead.
What I mean by that being, instead of light=good/dark=bad, they do light= bad/dark= good. It is amazingly annoying and I think it's the reason behind all the whiny Facebook statuses and tweets. When they get their heart broken for the first time and realise love is not like a fairy tale, they start vomiting out statuses about how cruel the world is and how nothing ever goes right for them and yappity yappity yap.

The world is nothing like a fairy tale but it certainly isn't the hellhole you believe it to be. Speaking of belief, I have something for that too but it's 3 am now and my brain hurts. Sooo... Until next time?



Confused about what the hell I should do or what I should have done. But make one thing clear, you will not make me feel any worse than I already do. If, in order to keep any sort of secret, I have to indirectly cause any sort of hurt to my friend, you can shove it.
What was I supposed to do? Just watch her continue doing the things that would set you off, thus furthering the cycle of : she does something attention seeking(?) -> you get annoyed-> you either blog or ignore or give her attitude-> she wonders what the hell she did-> not knowing why, she does it again, lather, rinse, repeat. /Vent over/
God, too much drama, too few brain cells. I always thought that if everyone was straightforward and to the point, there wouldn't be shit like this anymore.

Just woke up from a nap. And a really weird dream. Something about this weird bug, called a lucky Gretchen. It's purple and shiny, like christine's purple iPhone home button. It was running all around all the house and my mom's room. Then there was this weird scene where everything went black and grey and something scottish people and kilts.
And scarabs.
I woke up laughing my head off.
I've been working on a really long post that I might never publish, so that's the reason why I haven't been updating.
Anyway, I've been noticing that people've been really emo nowadays and a little laughter goes a long way.
So, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...
DICKSLANG!
If the idea of a bunch of sweaty guys in a small room shaking their littlest fellows around to show off their 'manliness' and how 'street' they are doesn't crack you up, why in the 18 levels of hell are you reading my blog??

Name:If you know it, you know it.
Age:Pfft, age is just a number
Birth: -day cake!
Adores::D
That basically described nothing! Isn't this fun?

I might write something here one day. Might