»The tally is 5
Friday, 26 August 2011
We were best friends in P2. It was impossible to get us separated and we shared everything. Half way through P2, she got closer to a girl called Li Xin and more distant from me. I blamed it on myself. I wasn't interesting enough or maybe it was because of similar names? Tally : 1
After Tian Xin and I drifted, I got closer to She Leng. She was a mutual friend of me and Tian Xin before, then Tian Xin picked on her. For some odd reason, I got closer to her and soon, we were spending every recess together as well. Then Tricia came into the picture around September and got closer to her and again I was the third wheel. I though "Maybe I was doing something wrong?" Tally : 2
We were already good friends when I was best friends with She Leng. By halfway through P3, we were spending every recess together despite the fact that we were in different classes. Unlike my previous friends, he actually stuck by me throughout the entire year. And then the GEP test came. I passed. He didn't. Being as young as we were, we didn't have any means of really communicating because of the different schools and soon the friendship faded into nothing. I blamed it on myself for not making enough of an effort. Tally: 3
P4 in a new school and the first girl I ever talked to there was Samantha. I don't know if she ever considered me her best friend but I certainly did. In the middle of the year though, I found myself spending more time (not by my own will) with Lynette. Samantha found herself next to Celine and well...do I need to spell it out? At that time I thought that maybe I just wasn't as fun as Cel, so I moved on. Tally :4
Yes, for people who know me, I DO bitch about her a lot. But during P5, she was my closest friend. A confidant of sorts. When there were things I just couldn't share with anybody else, I would run to her. Maybe it's why when the relationship went kind of sour I reacted so strongly. Despite our not so good relationship though, we do still talk and I do still confide in her. It's odd. Still, I lost a close friend. I was determined to never let it happen again. Tally : 4
We happened to become friends purely because we both dropped to normal chinese in P5. I remember being so upset at realising there were no other girls in the chinese class to talk to, then seeing Kelly walk into the class. Relieved didn't describe it. I remember one of the first conversations we had. I was talking about twilight and Kelly recommended to me Vampire Knight. I was hooked on manga and we suddenly had a common topic. By the beginning of P6, my relationship with Cel was hardly there and Kelly was the only one in the clique who hadn't ignored me completely. Sometimes I really wondered whether Kelly was telling the truth when she said she hadn't said anything against me in the group bitch sessions. She always was very practical.
Then came Secondary 1. We were in different schools. I remembered all my failed past friendships and come hell or high water, history would not repeat itself. I swore that to myself. But half way through Sec 1, Kelly just sort of...faded from my mind. When I realised what was happening I gave myself a mental shake. For some reason, I held myself back from growing any closer to my classmates. Because to some sick part of my mind, I didn't want to be the friend who drifted. It abhorred me. She still grew ever closer to her classmates though.
The difference is, this time, I know I've done everything within my abilities to keep the friendship alive. I've done my best. Now all I can do is wait for somebody else who might do the same for me.
Don't mock the word 'tried'. Please.
words spilled @ Friday, August 26, 2011 / leave goosebumps here ⋄